SA & Overview Session

So...I'm having a hard time make N commit to a SA test.  You'd think I'm pushing him to cut it all off.  I'm sick of pushing.  I just wish men were programmed like women sometimes, that they just get shit done.  I was given a IVF binder from the doctor at my post-op appointment and that night you bet your ass I was reading it.  But when I broach the subject of reading it to N, its like pushing someone to eat dog poo.  After I read the binder, cover to cover, the following day I was completely stressed out.  How do people do this?  You're uterus is basically on call for the entire cycle, which freaks me out that I could easily f this all up. 

 

So anyway, N has to do his SA analysis this year and that way it will take care of being covered and we won't have to pay any out of pocket for it.  The best part is we live about 15 minutes from the hospital so we can take care of this at home, but I think it's nerves.  But please you don't have ten difference strangers playing looksie with your hoo-haa so just deal. Man. Up.

 

Through our hospital it is required to take an IVF Overview class.  It's a group session done by one of the practicing physcians and an embryologist from the lab, and of course it's mandatory, and of course it's only done once a month.  But it is helpful it explains the IVF process from beginning to end, which may do best for my non-reading husband.  So our session is schedule for Jan 2nd.  I would have liked to get this done in Dec, but hubby works for a delivery company and the holidays are cray-cray for him these days, so the new year it is!

Silver Lining...Sorta.

So it has been two weeks since my surgery.  It went better than expected even though the doctor had not planned on it taking 4+ hours.  And it was not fun.  Everything was ok until had to wake up.  I had to have a tubal ligation, abdominal ablation, and laparoscopy done.  It turns out my whole entire cause for not being able to get pregnant was from a burst appendicitis that happened when I was four.  I had almost died, I weighted close to nothing and the doctor misdiagnosed me for a week.  It brings up such bad memories for my parents and they feel extremely guilty that this has come back to haunt me.  My dad and mom wish they had gotten revenged on the now deceased pediatrician and sued him back when they had a chance, if only they had known what could have happened.  So I am happy and lucky to say I do not have Endometriosis, which solves the mystery of where it would come from if my mom or sister did not have it. And also why I never had severe pain if it was in stage four.  This also means I will not have to take the dreaded Lupron shot that I was prescribed, which I shelled out $150.00 bucks for that now sits in my bathroom closet.  Thanks Dr! 

 

So when I woke up at the hospital I was tired, bloated, and felt like I had to pee so bad, so the nurse puts a bedpan under me, and I'm so sleepy that it stays there for 1/2 hour because I'm afraid I'll wet the bed.  I was freezing, the heated blankets stayed warm for only so long, and I didn't want to have to move and get dressed, I wish I could have stayed there all night.  N was ready to go home, he was exhausted and looked almost as bad as me.  After a two hour recovery I was able to say I want my bed and my clothes.  N helped me changed and we made our way out of the hospital, eager to be home.  I had one entry site that leaked fluid profusively when we drove home, it was gross and my pants waist were soaked.  I changed when I got home, took a Percocet and passed out.  I was ready to go back to work in eight days and did my first yoga class last Sunday.  But I did walk a lot to keep moving.

 

I am glad that part is over.  But my tubes are gone and there is NEVER a possibility of me having a child naturally.  I am getting new insurance in 2013 where I receive a lifetime max of $7500.00, which I'll take and is better than nothing.  When I met with my doctor I was given a binder on IVF and everything that is involved.  And holy shit, I wish I wasn't so absolutely terrified of f-ing up this whole process.  I'm terrified.  How can anyone be this in tune with their body, how do people do this stressed free, or feel they can handle it. 

 

I'm at crossroads and not sure I can make it.  I'm scared to death.