Shots Shots Shots

Yes whenever I hear that phrase I think of the song by LMFAO...and I don't really like it, but whatever. 

Not as bad as I thought.  Always worse in your head with something like this.  The anxiety is still there, even though it goes in with no problem, those suckers are sharp and I’m really good at the dart like motion.  So it has been three days since I have taken the Lupron with the BC.  Today I will take the BC again, but tomorrow just the Lupron.  And then sh*t is about to get real.  I don’t know if I am having side effects from the Lupron.  I might have had a quick hot flash where I felt like my legs were sweaty, but I can’t be sure.  Definitely feeling tired and I’m not extremely hungry and coffee isn’t as appealing as it should be for me.  I am starting to get a weird sore throat feeling, but not a sore throat if that makes sense?  I know weird.  I’m weird.  So I will probably be going back to the hospital Friday/Thursday for baseline blood work and an ultrasound.  I hope Friday, but whatever it is it is. 

I am working now on doing things outside my comfort zone.  I realize I have this issue with anxiety and doing things on my own.  When you have a child that all changes, you do things you wouldn’t normally do for them, to involve them.  To be part of their life.  I am hosting a dinner party on Friday night with my girlfriends.  I hate to cook for people it’s too much pressure and I feel like it will taste like sh*t either way.  But I have made a menu, have an app, a salad, main course, and a dessert.  So I am ready and some things I can pre-plan or make head which is good.

I feel very exposed now too.  Like my secret is out.  I’m ok with this and I’m not ok.  I don’t want to talk if this doesn’t work out.  I will want to crawl under a rock with no questions asked! Ha!  But I know people just care, and caring is ok.  But it won’t be easy by any means.  I am working on my positivity skills.  N and I both need to in order to be in the right frame of mind.  It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve last cried so that is a great sign! 

Ok, will be back once we move on to the next stage. 

Really?!

Forgotten again.  Those darn nurses!  It’s ok, I can’t stay mad at them for long because they are so sweet and understanding, they are just like my mom.  They also have her memory.  Anyway…all the meds are in.  Except maybe my Prometrium and Doxycycline, which is ok because I don’t need those right away, those are for when I start the stimulation meds in a week or more.  I begin my 10 units of Lupron on Saturday.  I am still undecided on a good time to administer the shots.  I was hoping I could do it in the a.m., but the hospital likes it done in the evening around the same time in a the same two hour window.  So I think either like at 5.30 or later like at 9.30.  I might go for the later.  I would always give me a good excuse to cut out of somewhere I don’t’ want to be J.  So I have to get another prescription of birth control bills (free!) because I run out tomorrow and for four days I have to take that and the Lupron in a row then stop birth control, then get my period and then the monitoring and ultrasounding begin.  Cha-Ching Cha-Ching.  My fingers are crossed.  I am so very hopeful. 

Remembering The Good Old Days

The Pharmacy.  I’m not old, I remember the days when prescriptions were filled at your local pharmacy.  Where the hell did those days go?  My insurance provider uses Express-Scripts as their prescription provider and of course you have your own prescription insurance card for them that you use.  This process of getting my scripts sent to me has been a total nightmare and has been going on since Feb. 5^th.  I was supposed to start taking Lupron with my birth control on February 16^th.  Hahaha, silly me thinking this would go smoothly.  WRONG.  The problem started with me still being covered under N’s insurance, the first insurance the doctor office had me under when I was there last year.  But because I couldn’t take my name of N’s insurance I had to keep that and then enroll in my employer’s insurance because it offered some assistance with IVF, so N’s would be my secondary insurance provider.  What a mess.  My scripts were first sent through with using N’s insurance.  Well that won’t work because we receive no coverage for any of this through his insurance.  So that had to be canceled.  But it wasn’t.  The nurses I deal with were just as confused.

So moving to the following week, February 13, I had a phone consult schedule with the nurses to discuss the packet they sent me.  It was schedule for 9.30.  I took the day off from work because I wanted the privacy to discuss things openly.  Well…they forgot to call me!  I called them an hour after the schedule time, had to leave a voicemail, because you can never talk to them directly, you call and they call you back.  Yup so when they called back they said, we forgot you!  It was kinda funny because they didn’t even try to lie or come up with something about missing my phone call.  So I give them props for being honest.  So we went over everything and of course I had to bring up the insurance/medication issue again, but it still seemed like my message was not relayed properly.  So I had gotten off that phone call thinking everything would be ok.  Haha silly me, again. 

Today, February 20^th, I have finally received my meds.  The whole lot of them, oh except the Lupron, which comes tomorrow and I can start Saturday.  But the problem lies with Express-Scripts.  Who my nurses faxed my meds to, and when I called to check the order status they say, oh you have to have your nurses fax the Lupron med to CuraScript and the rest go through Freedom Fertility Pharmacy.  What?!  Ok, so I tell the nurses what goes where and I think it’s taken care of.  Well, that’s not the case because now I have random meds showing up through Express-Scripts that are being ordered Freedom, I thought?  So for two weeks I have been dealing with such nonsense and you have to go through them to get to us, and it has been awful.  My nurses feel awful.  I finally feel ok.  Or I will once I see the Lupron on my door step tomorrow when I get home from work. 

So just a received an automated message while I was lunch from Curascript about a delay in my order, I call they say it’s fine.  This blows.  Tomorrow will be the moment of truth!

So tomorrow I have a phone call with the nurses again to just discuss the meds and my calendar.  As long as they remember to call me.

Let's Do This!

Swimmers and consult are all well.   Phew.  I’m not so happy with the cost of having to freeze hubby’s sperm, but hey whatever.  He’ll only ever have to do it one more time!  Easy Peasy.  So we saw are doctor on Friday and I was concerned about the length of my cycle that had just ended, 21 days, extremely short.  Yikes.  And that I wasn’t sure if I would ovulate on a normal day 14.  So she put me on the pills so timing could be more specific and not likely to mess up the cycle.  So back on the pill as of Friday.  I left a message today with the nurses so waiting to hear back from them on my schedule and calendar.  Nervous and excited.  However not anxious anymore.  It’s in God’s hands and I hope he is on my team. 

I just spoke to the nurses and she is sending me my packet along, she will be getting in touch with my insurance about setting up the prescriptions.  I’m shocked because I have a feeling this will happen all really fast.  It looks like my birth control and beginning shots of Lupron will start around the 23^rd of this month with a retrieval around the 4^th of March.  This is really happening, I can’t even believe it.