Well, round one is done. I was kinda figuring since the hpt was negative, and that even though I was reassured by everyone that it was "too early" and "maybe the hcg wasn't in your blood stream yet" that I would not be one of those girls.
I was prepared, but when you hear the voice of the understanding nurses you crumble because it's like talking to your mom and hearing bad news from anyone with a sympathetic tone is hard to handle. So, that is that.
She had asked if I had gotten my period yet and I had told her no. At that point she continued to tell me that I can stop the patches and progesterone and that I can discuss with N as to what steps we want to take next. I wasn't sure. But I didnt' want to give up. I also didn't want the whole world knowing that we were going to jump in to another round. So we agreed that we would start another round, FET, and keep it on the super DL, the only two people that know are my sister and then a friend going through the same situation. I can be honest with both of them and they listen and understand. Not saying my other friends don't but I need that support of at least someone knowing. And this way, if it does happen we can wait the 12 weeks until we tell our family. It's just a healthier way to deal with it.
The nurse told me there was no reason they could detect why it didn't work and that sometimes it's just how the ball bounces (my phrase, not hers). Which I get. She also said that by doing a FET they can control my estrogen and progesterone levels better, where I was so overstimulated that could have effected the egg implanting. N and I also agreed this round we would do two. Hell we have nine why just have them sit there?
I also found out through a brief email that N's SIL just suffered a miscarriage at the beginning of February, maybe, about five weeks ago. I was shocked. She has PCOS and had a difficult time getting pregnant the first time, and then had a rough pregnancy, at least it seemed like it. So, I'm sadden by their loss, and hope they are at peace with it.
I'm glad we are keeping this round quiet. I had to text maybe 7ppl yesterday relaying the news, and my parents. My dad says I'll be over after work tomorrow, he is so sweet, but its ok. I'm ok, and when I see him I'll cry like a baby because that is how parents make you feel, you love that they care so much it just fills you with so much emotion, at least it does for me!
So, I take two days of progesterone, today and tomorrow, orally at night. The nurse said they will count Monday the 1st as the first day of my cycle. I then apply one patch (vivelle dot) and keep that on until Wednesday, when I replace it again, and then on Friday I put two on, and then prior to transfer I will be wearing four at ones, insane, right? They leave a nice little linty sticky patch on my stomach that does not come off easily, kinda annoying. I then head in for blood work and ultrasound on the 16th with a transfer date of the 22nd.
Cross your fingers for us...I hope I don't have a hostile uterus.
My life and IVF....discovering how to cope and exist in a possible childless world.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
What Have I done?
I am 9dp5dt, and I tested this a.m., because tomorrow I got in for my beta, I think anyways. It was negative. I don't know why I did it. Because the internet has gotten in to my head. I am such an idiot. I should have just waited. Now my hope is gone. Swept under the carpet never to be found. I suck. Such a dope.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Energy Is Back
I'm kinda shock how almost energized I feel. It's a weird feeling. I mean I'm ok with it, I like not being dragged down with the thought of having to give myself nightly shots of meds. It's a relief I feel, I think. It's nice.
The best part about how I feel is that I have not been thinking about any possibility of being pregnant during this 2ww. Which is nice. I'm not over analyzing every twinge or cramp like I would if things were done the old fashion way. I am trying to be more optimistic about it all. I have positive thoughts and really want this to work. Badly. Wouldn't it be great if a long with a great egg count I get lucky enough to get pregnant the first try.
I did wake up this a.m. with the worst cramp I ever had in my life and wasn't sure if I had to puke or poop! It was awful and I'm sorry if tha was awful, but luckily it passed without having to do either. It scared me, but I'm definitely glad it pass.
I have had a weird sore throat the past couple days, since retrieval. It is most annoying at night and I feel really bad for N, the coughing drives him bonkers. I'm hoping in a few days it'll be gone.
The best part about how I feel is that I have not been thinking about any possibility of being pregnant during this 2ww. Which is nice. I'm not over analyzing every twinge or cramp like I would if things were done the old fashion way. I am trying to be more optimistic about it all. I have positive thoughts and really want this to work. Badly. Wouldn't it be great if a long with a great egg count I get lucky enough to get pregnant the first try.
I did wake up this a.m. with the worst cramp I ever had in my life and wasn't sure if I had to puke or poop! It was awful and I'm sorry if tha was awful, but luckily it passed without having to do either. It scared me, but I'm definitely glad it pass.
I have had a weird sore throat the past couple days, since retrieval. It is most annoying at night and I feel really bad for N, the coughing drives him bonkers. I'm hoping in a few days it'll be gone.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
2WW
So, we are officially in the two week wait. I’m terrified. Can’t we just skip this part? I started to feel my best yesterday. I am not sure it was because the weight of all this was off my shoulders and the hard part was done, or if I figured out that my meds were having an ill effect on me. I am still having difficulty breathing and think I have some sort of infection and I don’t really know what to do about it. It’s not a sore throat but just a cough because I can’t seem to get enough oxygen. So that has been fun to deal with. You know what else has also been a blast. Constipation. It’s been insane. Since my retrieval I haven’t gone. Well I have, but it’s been hard…no pun intended. I should probably call the nurses and tell them, but I don’t really want to talk about constipation with my boss right on the other side of the cubicle wall. So I have been backed up and since then I have been having spouts of nausea that I couldn’t figure out why, I thought it was all the meds I was on, progesterone, estrogen patches, and prenatal vitamins. Well it looks like it is most likely the prenatal mixing with everything else. I will start taking that at night. They also prescribed Caberlogine for OHSS, but after transfer I haven’t taken it, makes me nervous.
So I got the phone call on Saturday a.m. to tell me that I would be going in on Monday and that we had 12 high quality embryos and 3 high quality ones, which would probably be the ones we used on Monday. I had taken Monday off from work, but I did feel fine after the procedure, I did take the valium, but definitely didn’t feel like I needed it. They tell you to drink 6-8oz of water, which I did plus a little more when we got there because I felt like my bladder wasn’t full, just ehh. So N was able to change in to scrubs and come in to the OR for the procedure and it was kind of an amazing moment. You get to watch it all go down on the u/s monitor and to see the lil embryo shoot out and stick in my uterus was amazing. We both got a little teary eyed and were happy and relieved this part was over. It would be great if we got reassurance that this will stick and that I will get pregnant. But to even know that there is a 50/50 chance is more than what I had before. You know, so this is a huge move in the right direction of making me happy about this. I will find out tomorrow what we will have frozen in case we have to use them again. I hope we got a few more to freeze.
I wish this experience was more widely known, because it was one of the most insane adventures of my life, and it’s not even over with yet. The sadness and happiness that can come out of this just can move you beyond belief.
We go back I think on 3/27 for blood work. I hope good things from only here out, and if not that is ok too and we move on.
Friday, March 15, 2013
Fertile Mertile
Oh my retreival was on Wednesday and I was nervous and excited all at the same time. I couldn't wait to get it over with! We got there an hour before the appointment and went over my medical history and got my IV started up. They then walked me in to the operating room and was put out and then came back to with N by my bed, the process was about 1/2 an hour and then wake up time.
We had one of the nurses come by and informed us that I had 39 eggs that were retrieved and she had no idea where that number came from or where I was "hiding" them all. I was estatic, I would have never thought I would have so many! Unfortunately this amazing news came with some not so amazing news. I could possibly develop Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome. I had no idea I could get this after my trigger and meds were done, but I guess this can develop up to 17 days after retreival. It was shocking. And upsetting, I did not and do no want this to posphoned my transfer. So I came home and felt ok, just super bloated and got to drinking gatorade pronto. I was able to eat whatever and felt ok. I even got up for work the next morning with intentions of going in. I almost made it in but turned around, the drive in was uncomfortable and I looked about four months pregnant. I didn't want people thinking I was pregnant before I actually was! How embarrassing! So I took another day off.
This whole talk of OHSS makes me nervous and unsure. I'm second guessing any sympton I could have. Like I thought I was getting a sore throat, and it was casuing trouble breathing like coughing a lot, but shortness of breath is a sympton of OHSS. I don't think I have had a weight gain yet of 2 or more pounds a day, but I'll have to look for that tomorrow. The nurses did prescript Caberlogine which I guess is suppose to help the symptons of OHSS, and it better for seven pills it was $104.00, insane.
Later in the afternoon the nurse called and I was told 25 of my eggs have fertlized, insane in the membrane, and that it looked like I would most likely be coming in for a day 5 transfer. I hope that is the case because that will give me more time to feel a little better and it will give us a better shot in the long run.
So that is where I stand, nervous as f*ck.
We had one of the nurses come by and informed us that I had 39 eggs that were retrieved and she had no idea where that number came from or where I was "hiding" them all. I was estatic, I would have never thought I would have so many! Unfortunately this amazing news came with some not so amazing news. I could possibly develop Ovarian Hyper Stimulation Syndrome. I had no idea I could get this after my trigger and meds were done, but I guess this can develop up to 17 days after retreival. It was shocking. And upsetting, I did not and do no want this to posphoned my transfer. So I came home and felt ok, just super bloated and got to drinking gatorade pronto. I was able to eat whatever and felt ok. I even got up for work the next morning with intentions of going in. I almost made it in but turned around, the drive in was uncomfortable and I looked about four months pregnant. I didn't want people thinking I was pregnant before I actually was! How embarrassing! So I took another day off.
This whole talk of OHSS makes me nervous and unsure. I'm second guessing any sympton I could have. Like I thought I was getting a sore throat, and it was casuing trouble breathing like coughing a lot, but shortness of breath is a sympton of OHSS. I don't think I have had a weight gain yet of 2 or more pounds a day, but I'll have to look for that tomorrow. The nurses did prescript Caberlogine which I guess is suppose to help the symptons of OHSS, and it better for seven pills it was $104.00, insane.
Later in the afternoon the nurse called and I was told 25 of my eggs have fertlized, insane in the membrane, and that it looked like I would most likely be coming in for a day 5 transfer. I hope that is the case because that will give me more time to feel a little better and it will give us a better shot in the long run.
So that is where I stand, nervous as f*ck.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Trigger It
Oye vey. Had another u/s and more blood drawn on Saturday a.m. How exhausting. I can't really complain about this whole process. The only complaint I have, I was happy about the time I had to take my shot, which if that is the only complaint, great. I'm the type of person that likes to be in bed, looking at pinterest, by nine o'clock, not awake counting the hours til I can jab myself with a needle! So, last I was about one vile Menopur, 5 units Lupron, and a dose of 300mgs of Gonal-F. On Saturday my I had all together 25-30 follies slowly getting bigger. Around 15mm. They'd like to have a bunch that are around 18mms. I guess they can grow about 2mm each day, which is great and got me hopeful for a trigger on Monday. I left and received a phone call that my estrogen levels were right were they should be and that I needed to lower my Gonal-F to 150, which was fine by me, less medicine to inject is always a good thing! Plus it gives me more leftovers!
I didn't feel well all weekend, just unsettled. Friday night we had a great dinner of sushi with my sister and BIL, followed by drinks at this lovely lil place close to home. I felt drunk. I had a glass of wine with dinner and then a mojito at the last place we went. It was strange. I also had to give my shot at the last place we were at, which is kinda an upscale place and I felt weird shooting up in the bathroom, but I did it. With my buzzed sister in the stall with me giggling saying "this is so weird, ugh I can't look." lol. Love her.
Monday back to the doctors. My arm is a mess from all the blood that has been drawn and I was very hopeful I wouldn't have to go back after this. The u/s tech said there were a good size follicles from 15-18mm that looked good, and I was tell not every follicle will get to be as big as 18mm as I had about ten that were only at 10mm. I received the call today that I will take my trigger shot of Ovidrel tonight at 8.15 and I am so happy. No more needles and I can breathe a sigh of relief. So glad tonight is my night. So I do that and then on Wednesday at 7.15 we go in for retrieval.
So that is the happenings as of late. Giving all this blood has been awful, but I'm glad the last thing to stick me is an IV, which hurt like a bitched last time I had it done. But it's a small price for everything else that will come out of this.
I didn't feel well all weekend, just unsettled. Friday night we had a great dinner of sushi with my sister and BIL, followed by drinks at this lovely lil place close to home. I felt drunk. I had a glass of wine with dinner and then a mojito at the last place we went. It was strange. I also had to give my shot at the last place we were at, which is kinda an upscale place and I felt weird shooting up in the bathroom, but I did it. With my buzzed sister in the stall with me giggling saying "this is so weird, ugh I can't look." lol. Love her.
Monday back to the doctors. My arm is a mess from all the blood that has been drawn and I was very hopeful I wouldn't have to go back after this. The u/s tech said there were a good size follicles from 15-18mm that looked good, and I was tell not every follicle will get to be as big as 18mm as I had about ten that were only at 10mm. I received the call today that I will take my trigger shot of Ovidrel tonight at 8.15 and I am so happy. No more needles and I can breathe a sigh of relief. So glad tonight is my night. So I do that and then on Wednesday at 7.15 we go in for retrieval.
So that is the happenings as of late. Giving all this blood has been awful, but I'm glad the last thing to stick me is an IV, which hurt like a bitched last time I had it done. But it's a small price for everything else that will come out of this.
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Give Me Your Blood
Blood work was good. I guess it was to check my Estradiol levels and make sure the Gonal F, the Menopur, and Lupron are doing what they are suppose to be doing. I ran out of one of the pens last night and had a mini meltdown because I couldn’t find any video on how much more I would have to take from another pen for one shot. Such a nightmare.
I go back Thursday for another ultrasound and more blood work. Here is hoping that they will have me stimulate for a few more days and then early next week do the retrieval. Wishful thinking I know. Fingers crossed. I can feel my insides and it is kinda uncomfortable, but I can deal. It’s a good thing.
Monday, March 4, 2013
Dazed and Confused.
It’s Monday and I did not want to get my ass outta bed for work. However I know soon enough I will be taking a couple days for retrieval and transfer. I can’t wait. On Saturday I went in for my baseline ultrasound and blood work. I finally got to meet one of the nurses I have speaking with on the phone. She praised me for being so patient when dealing with the online pharmacies and I told her it was because you guys seem to remain so calm. So had one vile of blood drawn, hurt like a b*tch. I couldn’t believe it. But it was only one thank god. Then the ultrasound. It went well, the tech was really super nice and relaxing. I liked her. She said I had about ten follicles on one side and 13 on the other, a very good sign. Finally hearing some good news in that damn examine room! They were then going to pass my information on to one of the IVF dr’s in the program and they would get back to me that afternoon with whether or not I just continue on the Lupron or move on to the stimulating medicine. And good news, I could move on to the next phase. Taking Gonal-F, Menopur, and Lupron shots in the p.m. So excited to start that.
My nephews birthday party was this weekend. It was hard. I am not only jacked up on meds I got another cold and was on cold medicine too. The nurses told me to only take Tylenol so that is what I have been doing. I felt like I was in a daze, it was crowded there, lots of kids and noise. And I couldn’t wait to get home. As bad as I feel about that, I just felt like I wasn’t meant to be there, it was weird. My nephew is such a chill baby, I love him. My nieces birthday is in May and she is just a good baby too.
So that is it for now, I go in tomorrow for blood work only, yea. I won’t have to wait long in there and probably will be done in no time. I am super sensitive around my ovaries and feel a little bloated. I am not sure if it is in my head or not. These shots hurt a little more than the Lupon, maybe because there is more to them, more fluid to be injected. I’m not sure. I definitely don’t feel the comfiest (?) sitting at a desk all day.
I’ll let you know what they say after the blood work tomorrow.
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