Thursday, September 20, 2012

Laughing In My Head

Sometimes I crack myself up.  Which I guess is a good thing in this weird strange place of continual let down once a month.  I took a pregnancy test this a.m. thinking I have been having weird stomach cramps every morning since ovulation, something I have felt I have never experienced before, so I tested, at 9 dpo.  Silly I know, especially since I know how shameful this is.  I know better.  I guess I just really wanted to pee on something.  Either way, stark white.  I wasn’t expecting it not to be that’s for sure, I had no expectations.  Just tired.   But we weren’t trying super hard this month either. 

A piece of information about myself, I’m addicted to reality TV…from the Kardashians to Real Housewives, I love them all and I can’t get enough.  So I just finished the season finale of the Kardashians, the one where Kourtney pulls yet another baby directly outta her hoo-haa and Khloe finds out she isn’t ovulating.  When I think about how bad I feel for Khloe I also think, bitch please.  You are rich you aren’t ovulating, ovulating can be stimulated and you have unlimited funds to make a baby.  It just sickens me.  You aren’t me there is no struggle for you there isn’t a line that you can’t cross because you can’t afford further treatment.   I mean, I feel bad, I definitely do.  It sucks.  I get it, but please, where is the struggle/stress for you?  Go put on your $800 Louboutin’s and get some IVF.

So that is where I am right now.  Appointment is still on for Monday.  Our insurance covers everything up to IVF.  Nervous as hell.

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