So it has been two weeks since my surgery. It went better than expected even though the doctor had not planned on it taking 4+ hours. And it was not fun. Everything was ok until had to wake up. I had to have a tubal ligation, abdominal ablation, and laparoscopy done. It turns out my whole entire cause for not being able to get pregnant was from a burst appendicitis that happened when I was four. I had almost died, I weighted close to nothing and the doctor misdiagnosed me for a week. It brings up such bad memories for my parents and they feel extremely guilty that this has come back to haunt me. My dad and mom wish they had gotten revenged on the now deceased pediatrician and sued him back when they had a chance, if only they had known what could have happened. So I am happy and lucky to say I do not have Endometriosis, which solves the mystery of where it would come from if my mom or sister did not have it. And also why I never had severe pain if it was in stage four. This also means I will not have to take the dreaded Lupron shot that I was prescribed, which I shelled out $150.00 bucks for that now sits in my bathroom closet. Thanks Dr!
So when I woke up at the hospital I was tired, bloated, and felt like I had to pee so bad, so the nurse puts a bedpan under me, and I'm so sleepy that it stays there for 1/2 hour because I'm afraid I'll wet the bed. I was freezing, the heated blankets stayed warm for only so long, and I didn't want to have to move and get dressed, I wish I could have stayed there all night. N was ready to go home, he was exhausted and looked almost as bad as me. After a two hour recovery I was able to say I want my bed and my clothes. N helped me changed and we made our way out of the hospital, eager to be home. I had one entry site that leaked fluid profusively when we drove home, it was gross and my pants waist were soaked. I changed when I got home, took a Percocet and passed out. I was ready to go back to work in eight days and did my first yoga class last Sunday. But I did walk a lot to keep moving.
I am glad that part is over. But my tubes are gone and there is NEVER a possibility of me having a child naturally. I am getting new insurance in 2013 where I receive a lifetime max of $7500.00, which I'll take and is better than nothing. When I met with my doctor I was given a binder on IVF and everything that is involved. And holy shit, I wish I wasn't so absolutely terrified of f-ing up this whole process. I'm terrified. How can anyone be this in tune with their body, how do people do this stressed free, or feel they can handle it.
I'm at crossroads and not sure I can make it. I'm scared to death.
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