Take What I Can Get

I had my pre-op appointment yesterday.  My mom came with me.  My loving caring mother who is just the best.  I pretty much felt like throwing up all morning and on the car ride over there.  I sometimes feel like this is all on me.  It's my body and I'm way over in tune with everything.  I want N to be more in tune too, but I can't force him to google and read blogs on Endo...but it would be great if he did. 

So it went well.  I got to ask a lot of questions that I didn't get to bring up last time since I was so upset.  I think sometimes the Dr feels like I may be overreacting, but why wouldn't I?  When did trying to get knocked up get so complicated?  So yes it makes me sad to think that this will always be harder and more expensive for us.  We talked about the procedure and how if my tubes were badly damanaged they were going to be removed, and then my only option for having childen would be IVF.  Cha-ching Cha-ching. 

At this appointment I knew we wouldn't be able to afford IVF for a few months.  My mom had graciously offered to help, but it's so scary to know that this is a 50/50 shot of it working and its a lot of money to put down.  But because we had wanted to wait a few months the Dr. did suggest Lupron while we wait to keep the endo from returning, and keep it at bay.  I'm nervous as hell about this, I'm concerned for my body, for my reaction to this medicine.  Terrified, I have read crazy things about it and I'm scared.  So the plan was to have this shot done same day as the surgery.

I get to work this a.m. and call my sister because at the end of the appointment the Dr. did say something about my work's insurance covering at least one round of IVF.  Not being totally clear on all this I wanted my sister to look in to it, since she has their insurance and we work for the same company.  So it looks like our insurance will cover a lifetime max of $7500.00.  So awesome a lifetime max of $7500 that doesn't even cover one full round.  I will still have to pay a deductible and anything over $7500.00 but I guess thats better than paying 10 g's out of pocket.  I guess if the first fails I'll feel better knowing that I wasn't throwing away all my and my mom's money.  So, I'm going to have to call my Dr and discuss this and possibly starting IVF in January, and hopefully I won't need Lupron for one month. 

So its a lot, I also learned that the scar tissue seen in the ultrasound could be from a rupture appendicitis I had when I was four years old.  Dr. seemed shocked and suprised I was so misdiagnosed and even more so I was in the hospital for 14 days from it.  I wish my parents had sued that stupid a-hole doctor. 

I'm stressed still.  I need to relax let go.  Live like this will all be ok.  It's just hard as hell knowing I'm not going to have it as easy as everyone else that is around me.