Endo No No

So it has been two days since my lovely appointment.  I ended up taking the entire day off from work.  I was kind of a mess the entire morning, waiting and waiting for I knew what would be the worst information of my life.  It’s funny because most people would be like think positive, be optimistic.  But I always felt, deep down I couldn’t have a child.  It’s this weird thing, feeling you have.  I don’t even know why I would feel this way, maybe because everyone around me is blessed and it is so easy for them, so I knew I had to be the one where that good fortune would stop. 

So our appointment started off OK.  Lucky for me it was also the first day of my period.  Awesome.  I didn’t think they’d be doing any exam or anything so I thought I was ok.  We sat down with the Doctor and went through some questions and talked about things that are going on and what could be the problem.  And of course I stressed that we did not want to go as far as IVF.

She then says, we are going to do a Vaginal Ultra Sound on you.  GREAT. Can’t wait to bleed all over your exam table while my hubby is pretending not to notice anything that is going on.  So I’m up on the table with the Dr, a student, and a technician.  I hear the word Endometriosis and my heart sinks.  I hear a lot of scar tissue, and want to pass out.  Meanwhile, Hubby has no idea why I’m crying on the table.  It was a bloody nightmare, pun intended.  Nothing like having something entirely too big jammed up your hoo-ha when you already have your period. 

So, they tell me to get dress and meet in her office.  Hubby is still clueless, and it’s cute in a strange way to me.  I walk in to the office puffy face, red eyed and gross looking as I sit down and listen to the noise coming out of the dr’s mouth.  Stage IV Endometriosis, no kids without IVF, check your tubes, surgery.  It was all so very confusing because I couldn’t even hear what she was saying.

We left feeling completely defeated.  I couldn’t stop crying.  It was awful, the feeling of your future just slipping through your fingers.  We have told our family and a few close friends, but it hasn’t been easy. 

My dr still wanted me to get the 3^rd day cycle blood work done to make sure my hormones are in tip top shape.  The nurse said congrats, thinking I was getting blood work done to confirm pregnancy.  I just said thanks. It was awkward.