Not as bad as I thought. Always worse in your head with something like this. The anxiety is still there, even though it goes in with no problem, those suckers are sharp and I’m really good at the dart like motion. So it has been three days since I have taken the Lupron with the BC. Today I will take the BC again, but tomorrow just the Lupron. And then sh*t is about to get real. I don’t know if I am having side effects from the Lupron. I might have had a quick hot flash where I felt like my legs were sweaty, but I can’t be sure. Definitely feeling tired and I’m not extremely hungry and coffee isn’t as appealing as it should be for me. I am starting to get a weird sore throat feeling, but not a sore throat if that makes sense? I know weird. I’m weird. So I will probably be going back to the hospital Friday/Thursday for baseline blood work and an ultrasound. I hope Friday, but whatever it is it is.
I am working now on doing things outside my comfort zone. I realize I have this issue with anxiety and doing things on my own. When you have a child that all changes, you do things you wouldn’t normally do for them, to involve them. To be part of their life. I am hosting a dinner party on Friday night with my girlfriends. I hate to cook for people it’s too much pressure and I feel like it will taste like sh*t either way. But I have made a menu, have an app, a salad, main course, and a dessert. So I am ready and some things I can pre-plan or make head which is good.
I feel very exposed now too. Like my secret is out. I’m ok with this and I’m not ok. I don’t want to talk if this doesn’t work out. I will want to crawl under a rock with no questions asked! Ha! But I know people just care, and caring is ok. But it won’t be easy by any means. I am working on my positivity skills. N and I both need to in order to be in the right frame of mind. It’s been almost two weeks since I’ve last cried so that is a great sign!
Ok, will be back once we move on to the next stage.
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