What Have I done?

I am 9dp5dt, and I tested this a.m., because tomorrow I got in for my beta, I think anyways.  It was negative.  I don't know why I did it.  Because the internet has gotten in to my head.  I am such an idiot.  I should have just waited.  Now my hope is gone.  Swept under the carpet never to be found.  I suck.  Such a dope.