So it's back the 9 day wait. 9 days until I go in for the HCG. I hate this. I hate this so much, I want to scream. When did I become so sad and unhappy with where I am right now? How did I get to a point where infertility dictates my life and happiness. I try not to let it effect my relationships, and I think I have been doing a good job with this. I mostly feel this way when I am alone with my thoughts. I hate my thoughts, haha. My friend just began her lupron and also taking BCP right now. She starts her gonal f next week, she has been pregnant before but lost both, unfortunately. I have a feeling IVF will work for them, they just have to get through the first trimester, I don't know what is worst, being estactic that you can even get pregnant or knowing that once the baby is in you not being able to carry it. What a weird crazy crap shoot life is.
I forgot my progesterone today, son of a b. I am suppose to take it 3 times a day every seven hours, the nurses did say it would be ok if I'm not completely regimented with it, but just to take it. Pisser.
I wonder where my brother in law and his wife is with trying again. They have to squeeze one in to make them feel more relevant, I don't know the reasoning, my niece on that side is cray cray so why they would want to rush in to adding one more right away boggles my mind. I know I'm bitter, but I feel I have a right to be.
I don't even know how to be positive this time around. I am not optimistic by nature, but damn wish I was, but it's hard with one fail attempt, how many more fails before we pass. So my thoughts of now are there is no way this is going to work this time, I'm not pregnant. And if that is the case, what is next? What more can be done? What else do you test for? I'm stressed.
I took a 1/2 day on May 1st, when the nurses call and will deliver the news, I can't be at work for it. It's too hard. I did schedule a much needed eye exam so that is where I will be when I probably hear from them.
Hope is fading.
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